Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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