Sry I called you an 8
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
