He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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