Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
