yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
