So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
