I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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