I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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