UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
