so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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