i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
