Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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