So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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