I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
