saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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