Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
