He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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