Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
