Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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