Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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