Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Someone shit on the floor
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
