I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
