I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
