I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
