lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
