I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
