I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
