Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am available for nakedness
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
