Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
