the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
