What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
