I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize