i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
