She said her name was "party"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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