there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
