I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
