he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
