I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
