Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
