Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
