It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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