so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
