You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
