My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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