can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
