The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
