Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
