Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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