You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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