Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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