Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
