I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize