3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
