Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
