An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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