I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
