I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
