My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
