She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize