I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
