What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
