Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
