we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
