He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
