Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
