i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
