yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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