"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
