need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
