For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize