awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
