sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
