So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
