He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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