I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you win again, gameday.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
