Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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