The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
