bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
