she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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