please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
