my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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