Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
