He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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