She's JV to your varsity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
