Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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