Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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