I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
