My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
