Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
