I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize