Michael Bay diarrhea
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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