Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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