Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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