I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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