...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
