why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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