my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
