so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
