I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
