Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
