shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
