He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
