My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
