The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
