dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
