haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
