Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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