last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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