I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
