I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
