i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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