he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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