Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
