I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
