he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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