Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
