I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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