I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
