So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
