Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
