i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize