so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
